Dealing (?) With My Frustration

Will there be light at the end at last?

I think ever since I can remember I have been this zen driven person. I was always interested in Meditation and other alternative practices like Reiki, Body Talk, Qi-Gong, Affirmations, Visualizations, Inner Child Therapy, Shamanic Soul Retriever, Yoga, Crystals, Florals and so on and on and on… I always thought those practices would help me to find out and heal some soul scars or past lives issues or whatever it was keeping me stuck with no perspectives at all. But although all of that were and still are part of my daily routine, so far, I am still feeling pretty much still. No sudden transformations, no fast enlightenment, no a-ha moment that from then on everything started to flow wonderfully as you tend to believe things work reading books of self-healing or stories from people who overcame their darkest periods. It is almost like a fairy tale with a happily ever after vibe.

Not with me.

Maybe that is why I think I am still stuck although I have been doing things to move on. plus my road has been so bumpy… Nothing feels smooth, nothing seems to flow to its right places like magic. And everything feels pretty much the same which can drives me to the desperation vile very often. I so need a radical, fast change that anything slightly slow is simply not good enough for me. And maybe it is not because I am comparing my journey with the others I read about. Maybe that has been my biggest mistake. Although I must confess that regardless, a radical change to right way in my path would be ideal. And not because I am not patient cause I am, but because I am so exhausted from being here, stuck that even to breathe is hard sometimes. And breathing is my way to go through all of it. My main technique, even better than Meditation.

The only good feeling on this path is the certainty that no matter what, I have got my back. And this is good enough to keep up.

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