The very first time I was called selfish for not wanting to have kids was last year, in a first date with a dude I had just met. Up to that moment, through my 47 years nobody have ever brought that up. Of course, I am and was totally aware of how women who don’t want to have kids or even the ones who want kids but for some reason haven’t had kids yet are treated and perceived, (I hear you, Jennifer Anniston), but it never had hit a nerve on me before. But when someone points that out towards you, it suddenly does. And for the first time I felt a little uncomfortable with that choice. And yes, it is a choice, my choice.
Thank Goddess that bad feeling and guilty did not last that long. All I had to do was to recheck all my reasons for not wanting to have kids of my own. And feel good, confident about it. And they are my reasons. They don’t have to make sense to anyone else but me. And quite honestly, I don’t feel that I have to justify myself to anyone about it. Especially to someone who already have a judgement on that. I didn’t give that dude any of my reasons as I am not stating them here. And I am not because as I said this is something that should only interest me. To decide that.
Perhaps if I had found a man who had inspired me to want kids, that perfect father figure that you cannot resist but have kids with, maybe I could have changed my mind. Maybe… Or maybe not. I will never know. All I know is that right now, at this moment I am perfectly OK with my choice. No regrets.
And yes, I think the issue of having kids should be brought up on a date. It is important to know upfront if we are both on the same page on that. It is a crucial issue in a relationship. But placing a judgement on it based on a person’s own prejudice, that is what is not OK. At all.
And guess what else? If that decision was an act of selfishness would that make my decision less respectable? Hell, no. This was my decision about my life. Only I should be entitled to that. Right? And I could give a thousand reasons why that even being a decision based on selfishness, at the end, it would have been anything but selfish. Just look the world around. Not that hard to get it. But still, even if the world was this perfect place, I should be able to choose that path. Me and anyone else.
And we all should be OK with that. Not because it was not a selfish decision but because it was our own decision. And this should count for every thing else. Our lives, our decisions. Full stop. That should be good enough to us and to anyone else.
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