I think the big of a deal for me as I get older is not the number itself but feeling old. And by feeling old I mean, not being able to do certain things and get away with it anymore or not being able to do it at all cause my body doesn’t allow me to it anymore. At least, not without consequences. That sucks. Big Time.
Feeling old to me also means dealing with pain. In the curving back, in the rusty joints, here and there as I have watched my mom dealing with those things as she got older…
Since I can remember, I was this person who usually never had anything: no back pain, no headaches, no aches at all, no broken bone, no annoying injuries, no nothing.
(Just a hypochondriac mind working in full force all the time, but that is a story for another post.) I had a very privileged life in that area, I confess. And that made me a virgin to deal with those kind of situations. And it seems that now, I am having everything I hadn’t ‘t had. In the last few months I probably suffered more injury pain than during my whole life. And for the record: I don’t take painkillers, like ever. Unless the pain tops the limit of my limit to feel pain. It got close but never above. That is my policy.
But going back to my injures…
First it was my feet heel. Due to my everyday morning walk (and my every 2 minutes 30 seconds high speed routine) and a pair of inappropriate sneakers. It took me months, the perfect sneaker and an extra heel foam to heal. And yes, I did. 🙏
Then right after recovering from it, I injured my neck. And apparently to get better from this pain, the chiropractor has to crack my neck, cause I have some way too off vertebrates. Cracking my back or any other part of my body is fine, but my neck…? This is one of my worst nightmares ever since I saw Madonna having this procedure. On that day I swear to myself I would never do that. Ever. I am still preparing myself for it. Don’t know when or if I will do it. But quite honest, I probably will and soon, cause pain in the neck, it is a pain in the neck. I am almost reaching my WTFrakk moment. In any case, injury and drama.
And speaking of drama… for the very first time I had this sinus crisis that totally knocked me down. Every now and then I have some episode, but this time it hit me hard. I spent the whole Sunday resting/sleeping and some other days taking it slow and easy to fully recover. The last time I had a bed rest was in my teen years as far as I can remember… And yes, this is not an injury but it still fits in how I am feeling old lately. Being hit by things and in ways that I am not used to it.
Two days ago I added another pain to my growing list: in one of my hip sides. Again, bad posture as it was with my neck injury. So painful to walk, to stay still, to do anything. I had some cracking and aligning done and all I have to do now is wait and see how it goes.
And yes, I know. All of those injures could have happened to me or anyone else in any age. It is not an old lady only thing. But still, when something like that hits me, that is how I feel: an old lady.
And yes, I know something else: I still have my back. And it is reassuring. I am a good, patient nurse to myself. I do everything I can to get better, I try my options, I never give up. I am gentle and respectful to me. I keep on going till I get better, back on my track, but in a breathable pace. And in the best spirit I can.
In a way, it is a blessing to have experience all that having back, having this level of caring for myself.
In another way, I should take this whole experience and learn a fundamental thing for taking an even better care of myself: good posture all the day through. Not only when I am practicing Pilates, Yoga or Meditation. It is for: Every. Single. Moment. It matters. In every age but especially when we get older. So, I don’t need to feel that old.
And hopefully, let me pay attention to good posture even when I am sleeping cause I caught myself sleeping totally off the other night…
So, let’s see if now I get it.