Recently I realized for the first time something wonderful: that I do have my back. If I need me, some support, help I can totally count on myself. I am my own rock. And I realized that because when I most needed support and help (going through my B12 deficiency and Meno(pause) hell) and I couldn’t count on anyone but me, I did have my back. Woo-hoo!
All the way through.
Regardless.
It feels homy, cozy, warm, powerful.
It gives you confidence, encouragement, hope, resilience, strength.
Having said that, there is another less wonderful side to this, I believe, same coin: at times I can also be my worst enemy. That presents itself as that little voice inside that doesn’t think I am capable of or qualified enough or has a particular talent or what it takes to go for whatever I aiming for or dreaming about. That inner leash that keeps me prisoner, that bitch who doesn’t let me go, rock’n roll. That part of myself that clearly doesn’t have my back. Instead, holds it, tight.
It feels scary, moldy, restrain, suffocating.
It makes you not only doubt yourself but totally lose the faith in you.
You feel lost, disconnected, apart, an alien in your life.
It keeps you down, sad, unwillingly to move.
And you get stuck. Even aware of it.
Because unless the enemy within becomes a friend, or at least a frenemy, at times, the effect of this side of the coin will remain the same.
And how to make peace with the enemy within?
Well, I’ve got a plan. 😉
Fab After 47 