Today is my last day in my 40s. Tomorrow I will be officially a 5.0 lady. Before this whole pandemic thing I was planning to celebrate the beginning of my new decade traveling. I hadn’t have picked any destinations yet, but that was my plan. And it was a big one. Traveling around the world for a couple of months, on my own, the way I most like to travel. Discovering wonderful, unusual places, trying great vegetarian dishes, savoring a different blend of decaf in a lovely cafe around the corner, bumping into people with unfamiliar faces…
Of course this is no longer a possibility due to the pandemic… So here I am, still grounded in my lovely and cozy house saying goodbye to my 40s. Not alone. With family and cats. And my thoughts. And planning to spend my birthday…
Practicing Kundalini Yoga.
Watching something in some streaming.
Reading one or two of my virtual library books.
Eating a never eaten chocolate cake and the best cinnamon rolls I can find.
In resume, doing things that I like, enjoy (sometimes not that much) and fell whole doing it.
Because that is what I want my daily life in my 50s full of.
Traveling I will add to this list as soon as this pandemic ends.
And it will end.
Reuniting with dear friends over a brunch for endless talks too.
And will keep adding as I discovery new fulfilling things to do just because.
My 40s was an eventful decade. With good moments, bad moments and mostly vanilla ones. Just like life is. Though but fulfilling. Fulfilling but disappointing. Disappointing but worth living. Worth living but not quite there yet. Not quite there yet but somewhere in the way to it. Hopefully.
A paradox that complemented itself.
I still have a lot work to do on myself, on my life, in this planet. I feel as if I am just begging to know where to go, what to do, where to be, who I really am and how to express that in every little thing I breathe life to. I am not even close to figure out my purpose in life or even to achieve what I think it’s supposed to be my purpose in this life. All I know is that I am here, after a long absence, but here, feeling myself again, still standing, alive and kicking.
Silently. But vibrant. Inside for now.
And little by little sculpting my best version of myself. It demands commitment that sometimes escapes from hands, willing that not always is strong as it should be, focus that I struggle to deal with in regular basis, passion that is still lost somewhere along my way and that believing that anything is possible and for some unfortunate reason I think I am not deserving of. But regardless, here I am. Trying. Over and over again. Because if there is one thing or maybe two or even three I do have and have kept me up is resilience.
And that undying desire to make it where it may be.
And having my back all along the way. Never letting me give up from what it is really important. Not until I make it.
But first I must know where to go, where my destination is. Without it, I can give my first step into that direction. Cause I don’t know which direction that is. I need to go deep, so I can listen to my whispering soul where I should go,
Enjoying the ride with its ups and downs. And flatlines too.
That is my wish for my birthday tomorrow. For my new decade. Good health, luck, love and prosperity in all fields too. And that feeling that I deserve all that.
So goodbye bittersweet 40s and hello dear undisclosed 50s. I hope you reserve for me incredible adventures and that well balanced blend of good, bad and vanilla moments. I don’t promise much, just to be the best version of me I can be. All the way through it.
Or at least, as much as I can.