Dealing (?) With My Frustration

Will there be light at the end at last?

I think ever since I can remember I have been this zen driven person. I was always interested in Meditation and other alternative practices like Reiki, Body Talk, Qi-Gong, Affirmations, Visualizations, Inner Child Therapy, Shamanic Soul Retriever, Yoga, Crystals, Florals and so on and on and on… I always thought those practices would help me to find out and heal some soul scars or past lives issues or whatever it was keeping me stuck with no perspectives at all. But although all of that were and still are part of my daily routine, so far, I am still feeling pretty much still. No sudden transformations, no fast enlightenment, no a-ha moment that from then on everything started to flow wonderfully as you tend to believe things work reading books of self-healing or stories from people who overcame their darkest periods. It is almost like a fairy tale with a happily ever after vibe.

Not with me.

Maybe that is why I think I am still stuck although I have been doing things to move on. plus my road has been so bumpy… Nothing feels smooth, nothing seems to flow to its right places like magic. And everything feels pretty much the same which can drives me to the desperation vile very often. I so need a radical, fast change that anything slightly slow is simply not good enough for me. And maybe it is not because I am comparing my journey with the others I read about. Maybe that has been my biggest mistake. Although I must confess that regardless, a radical change to right way in my path would be ideal. And not because I am not patient cause I am, but because I am so exhausted from being here, stuck that even to breathe is hard sometimes. And breathing is my way to go through all of it. My main technique, even better than Meditation.

The only good feeling on this path is the certainty that no matter what, I have got my back. And this is good enough to keep up.

Glad I Am Sweating Again


Yep, I am. I know that sweating is highly unpleasant and nobody with a sane mind would be glad to sweat. But I do and I can explain: maybe 10 or 15 years ago, one day, I noticed that no matter the weather, the intensity of the heat or the physical activity I was practicing I was not sweating at all. Not even one drop of it. I was not even turning on the air conditioner to sleep under a 105 F/40 C temperature. A fan was enough to keep me sleeping well. Go figure. Back then I thought this was due to my zen-ish state of mind, the fact I was vegetarian for years and also due to my daily Qi-Gong practice. It should be it, right?

Wrong. Very wrong, indeed.

Now I know why I was not sweating back then: I became B12 deficient and my methylation got all messed up. [I will make posts about B12 and Methylation soon, so I will explain them fully]. And thanks to it, a lot of things started to be off. Like a bad side effects. And one of those things was not sweating.

Plus not so long ago I found out that I have a MTHFR mutation (I am a compound heterozygous) which makes me a perfect candidate to detox poorly. And with my methylation off due to my B12 deficiency… I was in big trouble. And back then not aware of it.

After I realized my conditions (it took me a long time by the way) and correct them, little by little all things started to go back to its optimal function. I still have some things off but I am still very focus on dealing with them. Up to this point I will say I am at my 90% optimal self. Or close enough. And sweating was one of the things that I got back. Pretty soon. And sweating is not just an unpleasant thing. It has a great function because it is one way our bodies expel toxins and prevents diseases related to toxin overload. And since we live in a world full of toxins, in a world where we eat them, we drink them, we breathe them, we use them on our bodies, even choosing wisely, it is very hard to avoid 100% all of them, all the time. And even a little amount can bring some bad side effects, especially for us who have a MTHFR mutation and/or have the whole methylation cycle off.

That is why I am glad for sweating again. The feeling of being sweat wet everywhere is not a good one at all. On top of that, since I started using healthier deodorants I have had to deal with wet armpits as well since none of those are anti perspirant. And they are not because sweating is one way our body detox from inside out, as I mentioned before. Therefore something necessary. That is why the healthier options of deodorants don’t block that function. And the armpits sweat. And get wet.

But still, glad for it. Because usually, only when we lose something and find out how valuable it was, then we can appreciate that. Even when it is not something that pleasant. hehehe

The Marie Kondo Book Controversy

Ever since Netflix’s new series “Tyding up with Marie Kondo” premiered one major controversy emerged: her take on books. Or at least what some people might have understood from Marie Kondo‘s take on books. Because the controversy implies that Marie thinks everyone should only keep 30 books tops in their own private shelves (just like herself) and get rid of the rest. And for what I understand from her method from reading her book and watching the series that statement is not accurate at all. What she preaches in her organizational method is that you only should keep in your house things that spark joy in you. So, anything that makes you glow and happy, that puts a smile on your face or soul is a keeper, regardless what it is, a book, a clothing, a note, a decor object, a bag…

The Controversy. Photo: Twitter Print Screen.

Other things that are useful but not particular joyful are also keepers. And in both categories you can place books and keep them. I explain: if you are a book lover and love all your books like your children, then of course all your books are a keeper. However, if not, then those are the ones you should consider donating. Having said that, if, by any chance some of your books are not joyful but they are useful to you cause you are always coming back to read or check them for your work, for instance, then of course they are a keeper too.

Having all those things in mind I guess it is obviously that Marie Kondo is not advocating to clear completely your bookshelves. On top of that, the power of decision is always with you, anyways and your joy grading system if you want to follow Marie’s approach to organizing. Marie is not the one who decides what to keep and what to toss, it is you.

Plus, it is always good to remember that what works greatly for some people might not work at all for others. It is great to add methods, suggestions, options so people can choose which way to go. What it is not great is this idea that everyone has to agree and follow whatever method, suggestion or option one person goes for. And only that one. Nobody has to. And if it is not for you, then pass and let others who feel the method speaks to them, embrace it.

I personally like Marie Kondo’s approach to organizing spaces. Especially the bring joy element. I believe that it is a good idea to only keep what and who brings joy to our lives. But as a Personal Stylist who organize clients’ closets I know well that this is just one of the many ways I can choose from. For each client I have to think of the best approach that fits perfect for them. And sometimes the KonMari will be a good one, others, not really. And either way, it is perfectly fine. Cause it is great to have options.

But going back to books… I have to give my two cents on that:

Up to when I was a late teenager I keep all my books on my shelves. Or at least all the books I loved the most. One day, I was cleaning and organizing my things and boom!, the coin dropped. Why I was keeping all those books that I read once and never looked at them again? Even the ones I loved the story? Why? To cultivate some dust? To just have them in my shelves and people who came to visit me could see how much I loved reading? Or because I really loved books that much, therefore I wanted to keep them around, bringing me endless joy?

It turned out to be exactly the last one-ish. And it was very hard to detach from them. It took me a while, I confess. But I eventually ended up donating almost all of them at last. And I did, because another coin dropped: if I really loved books that much, why on earth I would want to keep them trapped in my own shelves, getting dusty, never read again while there are people around who would love to read that book, dive into that little world and enrich their own but cannot afford it? Why not allow those books I loved so much to bring joy to others? That makes way more sense, right?


That is why from then on I don’t understand this concept of book lovers. I do believe now that who loves books pass them on so they can share and amplify their joy. The ones who keep books hostage are book collectors, not book lovers. And until the ball drops, they will not see the beauty of passing books on and will not experience the joy of it.

A pity.