On Comparison

Today I woke up thinking about comparison. Because it is impossible to navigate through Instagram without comparing yourself at some level. Especially when you are placing yourself out there as a brand, as I am trying to. My idea when I decided to have a presence in that particular social media was to voice my perspective regarding my life as a post-menopausal woman who went through hell and came back not only to tell her story but also to live in style. And loving every moment of it. But in a realistic, down to earth way, not in an Instagram way.

Well, first my moment at this moment is far from being lovable. Lots of dark clouds around, uncertainty, sadness, even some depression… Which is ok, it is part of living. And at least I am glad to be able to feel it again, even the bad things, cause for a long time I was simply numb. To everything. But still, not a shiny moment to be out there.

Second: I found a lot of stylish, interesting women around my age and older doing their thing out there. And rocking it. It is really fun, inspiring to look up to them. They got their place already and I think women around my age is pretty well represented. Which makes me think that I am late and kind of irrelevant right now. That is what comparison is all about, right?

Third: as I said above, my idea was to bring some down-to-earth kind of style/lifestyle. But the feeling I get on Instagram is that people over there want an Instagram reality not a real-deal one, with its ups and downs, its beautiful and ugly sides. People want high-production, shine happy, fun people all the time. And only that. For me this a bit tiring, draining even because nobody is like that all the time. Life is not just black or white, it is a mixture of them both and every color in between. And the energy to fake it is touchable out there. Which makes the whole experience extremely exhausting for someone empathic as I am. And I am not even gonna talk about how eventful their lives are: traveling every where, going to places all the time… I get tired just by looking at their busy routine… Oh, my!

Also, it is impossible not to look up to other feeds and compare to yours. And for a person like me, with a very lively sense of aesthetics, my feed looks terribly underwhelming. Pretty much my mood lately at some level. Which makes me want to up my game. But then I will lose my main inspiration to be there.

Fourth: man, how hard it is to grow organically out there. And here as well, for that matter. Some times it can really get into you. It is disappointing. And lonely. And it makes you want to give up because you think you are going nowhere and everything you are doing is pure crap, anyways. The others are the ones who are mastering it, so you don’t belong there. Or here.

And yes, I do know I do. Blogging at least is my place to be. I love it. And I know I used to be damn good at it. Just looking forward to find my voice and speak the hack of me. Because after all, everybody has its place. We just have to find it where it is. And let it shine.

And how about you? How are you dealing with comparison?

How About Some Love, Respect And Kidness To Our Beautiful Planet?

Today is Earth’s Day and despite whether or not you believe in #GlobalWarming and on this #NewGreenDeal thing what we should do as a human being today and everyday is to have a more respectful and loving approach to our planet in our daily lives. Our planet that is our home. And it is a beautiful, diverse, amazing home. A home that should be taken care of, never taken for granted.

And we shouldn’t even do it just to have a home in this Universe, but because we deeply care, because we enjoy keeping our home as great as it is. We acknowledge it, we are grateful for it and we act as such.

And there are so many “little” things we can do to show respect and love to our planet. Like being a more conscious consumer, recycling, preserving the green around us, producing less waste, keeping the cities and nature clean, being responsible citizens, caring for the animals, caring for one another…

So, instead of celebrating Earth today, celebrate it every single day, appreciating it, enjoying it, being grateful for it. And as I said before, acting as such. Be kind to Earth as much Earth has been so kind and generous to us. 🙏

It Is Okay Not To Be Okay

Because sometimes, that is how we are all gonna feel. Regardless what the feeds we follow on Social Media are telling us. Nobody is happy and enjoying life all the frakking time. Some times we are simply not okay. And it is okay to feel that way.

Image by Foundry Co from Pixabay.

Some times we are not okay for something simple and minor like a bad hair day, but other times we are not okay for something deeper and sadder like grieving or losing a job… Other times are for some thing in between. It really doesn’t matter the reason or how deep or shallow it is.

What truly matters is to mantra this: It is okay not to be okay. Trust me. We are allow to it. After all we are humans not superheroes. And we don’t even have to hide it from the world as if it is something that only happens to us or something we should feel ashamed for it. Cause we know, it doesn’t and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Right? Right?

Damn right!

Every now and then and all over again, I feel that way too. I have ups and downs, highs and lows and some times it can be a huge fall. That kind that keeps in the low place for a while. I feel like a mess inside out, outside in. Oh, how I crave to go back to my okay place… And usually there is nothing that I can do to reset my mood that quick. By magic? Never works. Hehehe All I can humanly do is to take some time out there, in there, let it be, embrace it, have my back, keep on breathing and just wait for the next day….

Or days… Cause it will go away. And I know it. Or at least will become bearable soon. And when it does I hope I got the message this time: learn from it and learn to appreciate, value, treasure and enjoy even more my OK moments. Like never before. And let things flow knowing that another not OK moment will come and it is totally okay. Cause I will be okay. Eventually. Again.

And yes, sometimes not being okay will require an extra help. From someone, a friend, a psychologist, a psychiatric, a holistic therapist… and that is okay too. Remember? We are not superheroes, we are just humans with all sort of moments. With ups and downs, highs and lows. Reach for help. We are not here to deal with everything, all the time, by ourselves. Some times, we will need assistance. From others. And it is okay too. This will not make any less of anyone. Au contraire. It requires a lot of bravery to reach out for that help when we need.

Plus, even Batman needs Robin, every now and then…

47, No Children And Totally OK With That

The very first time I was called selfish for not wanting to have kids was last year, in a first date with a dude I had just met. Up to that moment, through my 47 years nobody have ever brought that up. Of course, I am and was totally aware of how women who don’t want to have kids or even the ones who want kids but for some reason haven’t had kids yet are treated and perceived, (I hear you, Jennifer Anniston), but it never had hit a nerve on me before. But when someone points that out towards you, it suddenly does. And for the first time I felt a little uncomfortable with that choice. And yes, it is a choice, my choice.

Thank Goddess that bad feeling and guilty did not last that long. All I had to do was to recheck all my reasons for not wanting to have kids of my own. And feel good, confident about it. And they are my reasons. They don’t have to make sense to anyone else but me. And quite honestly, I don’t feel that I have to justify myself to anyone about it. Especially to someone who already have a judgement on that. I didn’t give that dude any of my reasons as I am not stating them here. And I am not because as I said this is something that should only interest me. To decide that.

Perhaps if I had found a man who had inspired me to want kids, that perfect father figure that you cannot resist but have kids with, maybe I could have changed my mind. Maybe… Or maybe not. I will never know. All I know is that right now, at this moment I am perfectly OK with my choice. No regrets.

And yes, I think the issue of having kids should be brought up on a date. It is important to know upfront if we are both on the same page on that. It is a crucial issue in a relationship. But placing a judgement on it based on a person’s own prejudice, that is what is not OK. At all.

And guess what else? If that decision was an act of selfishness would that make my decision less respectable? Hell, no. This was my decision about my life. Only I should be entitled to that. Right? And I could give a thousand reasons why that even being a decision based on selfishness, at the end, it would have been anything but selfish. Just look the world around. Not that hard to get it. But still, even if the world was this perfect place, I should be able to choose that path. Me and anyone else.

And we all should be OK with that. Not because it was not a selfish decision but because it was our own decision. And this should count for every thing else. Our lives, our decisions. Full stop. That should be good enough to us and to anyone else.

Be Kind. Always.

Image by reneebigelow from Pixabay.

This morning when I opened up my Twitter to check the news (and the verbal fightings du jour) the first thing I saw was a link to this post on Medium: It’s not enough to be right. You also have to be kind. (Please, read it. It is worthy.) The text represents me so much that I wish I had written it from beginning to end. It is perfect and totally in sync with how I see the way things are lately, especially but not only, in politics. Here in Brazil, in the USA and in the world. People are so eager to convert other people into their own ideas and beliefs, especially in this new platform called social media that their usual chosen converter element is attacking, shaming people into it.

However, it is not what end up happening. It is like fighting fire with more flames. All you generate is more heat, friction, polarization. Because calling them names (extremist, lunatic, fascist, marxist, socialist, capitalist, idiot, stupid, heartless and so on and on), making them feel bad or excluded from your bubble club are not helping any kind of conversion. This might resonate highly well with people that think and behave alike yourself but it is never gonna convert the ones who don’t.

Au contraire.

It is like as much as you punch with all the hate you’ve got, they hold on stronger into their own beliefs, ideas. You might have a point, be totally right about it but yet, you are NOT gonna help them see your truth by force or shame. It never helps.

Instead try setting your mind like this:

Hate the attitude, thoughts, beliefs, not the person.

This makes you focus on the attitude, thought, belief instead of the person. It will help you to be more objective, to focus in dealing with the issue instead of attacking, shaming the person. Because that is what you should attack if you want to convince anyone about anything.

And then, with this attitude, you may be able to address whatever with kindness. Because after all, it is through kindness that you can reach someone’s heart. And there is no better ally than a person’s heart to change their mind.