“When some thing you want so bad goes wrong, some times it is the Universe telling you that is not the best for you. But other times, it is the Universe illustrating in living color to you how you keep on sabotaging yourself, how you keep from getting what you truly deserve because you feel afraid and unworthy.”An insight from a distance Reiki practice with other Reiki practitioners.
Reiki And My Journey Back To Energy
The very first time I tried Reiki was probably in my 20s. I was feeling lost, drained, with no energy to live. It felt as if I only had a few drops of fuel to go on. Maybe an early side effect from my back then unknown B12 deficiency already kicking in or due to my empathic ability that is draining on its own. Who knows? In any case, I looked for some energy therapy and Reiki was the one that resonated with me. I found a really nice holistic therapist in Rio de Janeiro and had my first of my many sessions. I really love it and felt it was helping me. That is why I kept on going, it was the right thing for me. Some sessions were just relaxing others more emotional. But always insightful and warming. In my way.
Back then my therapist was starting to work with another holistic therapy: Qi-Gong. And she started to train me on that as well. And since I responded so well and like it very much, I started to practice Qi-Gong with her and stopped my Reiki sessions. And again, it was the right thing for me at the right time, as Reiki had been so far. And that is how I went from Reiki, a holistic therapy where the practitioner channels the Universal energy and through it heals and restore ours to Qi-Gong, an alchemist practice to transform and cultivate our own energy.
And I have been practicing Qi-Gong basically daily from then on.
And before I go any further let me point this out: I am very grateful for those both practices for restoring my energy and for putting me in this amazing spiritual, self-discovering journey. It was the first time I felt I was really going to this energy path. Because for me everything is energy. And energy for me is not something abstract, it is very concrete. It is something I can sense and feel inside, around, every where. And it is so real for me that I can almost touch it. Energy is what we are, it is what connect or repel us to one another. Now writing about it I feel as if I should meditate on this subject because it is something that speak immensely to me.
But going back to Reiki… for many years I stuck with Qi-Gong only. But some times I felt a desire to take a Reiki session. Or two. Because it was something that spoke to me. And in some way, Reiki stuck with me ever since. Even when I was not taking any sessions.
Then, some years later, when I was spending some time in New York 3 or 4 years ago, in my 40s, I had this feeling that I should retry yoga. For many years I thought yoga was not for me and ignore it completely. So I was looking for yoga places near my neighborhood, my beloved Greenpoint and saw that in one of them, at the Awakening Studio, they had something called Restorative Yoga with Reiki. Immediately I loved the idea and decided to try. And guess what? I absolutely loved it. It was relaxing, resting, warming, restoring… What I needed it. I felt hugged by this glowing energy. And so, the whole time I was in NY I took this Restorative Yoga with Reiki class. I loved the instructor, Nicole and I was so impressed by her energy and her warming hands… She is an amazing healer and an inspiration for me. And they made my reencounter with Reiki even more special.
So next year when I returned to NY, obviously that I took her Restorative classes AND her Reiki level 1 course. Because I had to. And that is how I became a Reiki practitioner myself. I took it first and foremost to heal myself. Back then I was beginning to feel better again from my now discovered B12 deficiency. And I was doing everything I could to restore my health to its optimum self: Meditation, Yoga, Qi-Gong, eating nutrients, supplementing, detoxifying, keeping myself away the most I could from toxins, Body Talk… things like that. And it was working. Slowly and steadily but working.
My Reiki level 1 experience was very smooth. But quite warming. I loved giving Reiki to myself every single day. I felt I was caressing my soul, taking care of my whole body. After a long time kind of numb to this whole energy thing due to my hell moments during my B12 deficiency, I was feeling this thing called energy in a more concrete way again. Actually, the only thing I felt during my attunement was a lot of energy flowing through my hands. I didn’t have any a-ha moment or anything like that. Just energy flowing in my hands.
I never actually gave Reiki to anyone else in my level 1. I didn’t feel ready for it. And I am quite shy about it. But I was my own client. And a very needy one. hehehe
Anyways, one year later when I returned to NY I took my Reiki level 2 with Nicole again. And it was pretty intense. First it was only me and somebody else who had experienced the same B12 deficiency ordeal. We basically went through the same exactly hell. What the odds? And on its own it was an amazing encounter. During my attunement all I felt was a lot of energy in my crown.
But it didn’t end there. Afterwards, through the following week, it was pretty intense. Maybe because I decided to start Kundalini yoga classes at the same time. I don’t know. All I know is that it amplified the whole she-bangs. I felt as if my crown had expanded and there was so much light coming from it or towards it… It felt inebriated with all this renew energy in me. I felt as if I was giving my first steps back towards myself. Slowly but steadily. And after a rollercoaster of emotions, for the first time in a very long time I felt unapologetic happy for a long while. And I enjoyed every moment of it.
So many great things happened to me after that. Like I finally got back to the dating action. And even managed to melt my frozen heart. Something I thought as an impossible thing to happen. Obviously I had some set backs and problems to deal with it. Life as usual. Actually, at the moment I am going through a really dark phase in my life where I feel that a lot has to fall apart so I can start to rebuild my life as the life I should be living and deserve. With my own dreams, bliss, values… I know I still have a long journey ahead, but up to this point, I am so grateful for this reconnection, to be myself again and feel as such… This is truly priceless. And for that I am forever grateful.
And yes, I had a few Reiki clients but I am still my biggest client. Plus I am still shy about it. I am not very good in marketing myself. But I am learning. And yes, as I said, right now I am in a dark phase. I am not even seeing some light at the end of the tunnel yet. But I have faith that at the end everything will be okay. I am trusting the Universe. And because of this dark moment I feel even shier to offer Reiki. Even knowing in my core and by my experience that when I give Reiki I am a channel to connect the Universal energy with the client’s energy and let the heal and restore happen. I am not giving my energy, I am just a tube, a vessel to the Universal energy. It is the Universal energy taking control and care of it all. And as an empathic, I love it.
Still, I feel a bit self-conscious about it. Although deep inside I am dying to give Reiki again. And maybe that is what I should be doing, especially at this moment. Because when I give Reiki, I feel so empty and at the same time so fulfilled. It is like giving Reiki to myself at some other level. A magical level. And maybe that is what I need at this moment in my dark phase: some magic.