Photo: Pixabay.

Yet, still moving.

Where to?

No idea.

But always moving.

Away from my dreams.

For sure.

Because they are THE things I am doing my very best (or worst?) avoiding to go for.

So I move…

In other directions.

Any direction.

Away from them.

That is why I fell stuck, frozen in time. Because although I am moving I am going nowhere really. Not where I should go.

And that sucks.

Big time.

Not only because time is getting short each day, month and year I procrastinate yet another step in the right direction.

But because deep inside I know I am not doing what I am suppose to do.

Funny thing is I don’t think I am moving too far from my dreams.

I stick around.

Just in case?

With a wide opened eye on them.

A heart beating in their rhythm.

But my feet, damn feet!, follows my scary mind that keep on walking away from them.

Poor thing.

Just going round and round, waiting to jump in any moment.

Actually, not in any any moment, but the perfect moment when inspiration becomes so impossible to avoid that I have no other alternative other than jump in.

All in.



But the sad true is the fear of failure (or should I say, to succeed?), the ghost of perfectionism, the critical devil inside keep guarding me from this vital jump.

With words.





Till when will I be around waiting for that perfect moment that will never ever come? I wonder.

Because there is no such thing as the perfect moment. Just the moment. And by itself, without harsh judgements or romantic ideals, it can become the perfect moment.

Or something very close to it.

I don’t fear the answer. I know the answer.

What I fear the most is to know that even knowing the recipe to unfrozen me, here I am, frozen as an Iceberg.


But not really.


And yet moving.

Round and round.

Going nowhere.

With this huge and amazing ocean to brave ahead.

This Sadness In Me

Photo: Pixabay.

I am a very smiley person. And my smile is 100% truthful. Most of the time I am in a good mood. Hardly the bad mood takes me over. Even with my ups and downs with frustration, anxiety and anger, even with my bad days. But every now and then I am washed by this deep sadness. My smile vanishes, my bad mood is in command, my eyes become heavy, my heart weeps. I feel deadlock inside me. It is bitter, never sweet; it is acid, never alkaline; it is ugly, never pretty. No Belgian chocolate will make it better, no meditation will take care of it, because when my sadness comes up it wants to be heard, felt, experienced, not overlooked, not swept under the rug, not fixed by magic. Because although I am in general and genuine way a happy person, sadness is equally a part of me. A part that I hardly invite to a party or to stay in, but a part that even when it is not present in my façade it is here with me, deep inside. It makes me who I am too. It makes me appreciate happiness and my good moments and mood.

This sadness in me is for everything that happened and upset me, for undealt things that I am yet to brave, for things that I see and I am unable to change, for things that I am not even aware I am sad about, for me not being me… And there are a lot of those things around… inside… that maybe I should welcome more often, face it, embrace it and let it be… This sadness in me.